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제목 About my family 등록일 2014-09-02
내용 My family is consisted of 4 people, father, mother, sister, and me. Now my sister is living in another city, so only 3 people is living together. Many family in Korea was big such as living with their grand parents until 1980, but after that, they start to live with only 2 generations. Therefore we don't have experiences that we heard some old age stories from our grand parent. And people live alone increase thesedays. They want to live without their neighborhood, and freely. Even they don't want to meet their relatives. In my case, I like to meet my hometown friend. They are pure when we meet comparing to company colleague. That's why I feel comfortable whenever I visit my hometown.
담당강사 Wynston2 등록일 2014-09-10
첨삭 내용

My family is consistsed of 4 people, which include my father, mother, my sister, and me I. We all lived together, until my sister moved away to live in another city. Now my sister is living in another city, so only 3 people is living together.  Traditionally, Many familyies in Korea was big such as liveding with their grand parents until 1980, but after that, they started to live with only 2 generations. For this reason, Therefore we don't have experiences that we heard of hearing some old age stories and folk tales from our grand parents. And Nowadays, people liveing alone is on the increase thesedays.

***Jun --- try and develop the sentence below a little more.  I'm not clear what you are really trying to convey to me.  (Use your thesaurus).

***They want to live without their neighborhood, and freely. Even they don't want to meet their relatives. In my case, I like to meet my hometown friend. They are pure when we meet comparing to company colleague. That's why I feel comfortable whenever I visit my hometown.

 

 

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