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제목 21~24 등록일 2014-09-30
내용 #21
With keyword,

people have same keyword can meet and interact in various ways.


#22
SDS has many way of communication.

First of all Common SDS.
There are many board and the hottest one is "Unit talk"
Unit members are close enough to talk with each other.

And I think keyword can make other boards as hot as Unit talk.


#23
All the board are content-oriented except "EsimJunsim"
"EsimJunsim" is board for CEO Jun and It's about his story.

We all have our personal blog like this.
Usually My stories are private, I mean not popular, but with keyword, people can fine me.

More people will use blogs, And we can share our story.


#24
On the side of year-round idea competition,
people can gather easily and share there ideas freely.

Clubs would be more active also.
New clubs wold be created because similar people can gather easily.
담당강사 Ritchell 등록일 2014-10-01
첨삭 내용

[CORRECTIONS]

#21 With keyword, people have same keyword can meet and interact in various ways.

-> #21 With the use of this keyword, people have a way to meet and interact in various ways.

#22 SDS has many way of communication. First of all Common SDS.

-> #22 SDS has many ways of communication. First of all Common SDS.

There are many board and the hottest one is "Unit talk" Unit members are close enough to talk with each other.

-> There are many boards and the hottest one is "Unit talk" Unit members are close enough to talk with each other.

And I think keyword can make other boards as hot as Unit talk.

-> And I think keyword can make other boards as hot as Unit talk. (no lapses)

#23 All the board are content-oriented except "EsimJunsim" "EsimJunsim" is board for CEO Jun and It's about his story.

-> #23 All the board are content-oriented except "EsimJunsim" "EsimJunsim" is board for CEO Jun and its about his story.

We all have our personal blog like this. Usually My stories are private, I mean not popular, but with keyword, people can fine me.

-> We all have our personal blog like this. Usuall, my stories are private, I mean not popular but with this keyword people can find me.

More people will use blogs, And we can share our story. 

-> More people will use blogs and we can share our stories.

#24 On the side of year-round idea competition, people can gather easily and share there ideas freely.

-> #24 On the side of year-round idea competition, people can gather easily and share there ideas freely. (no lapses)

Clubs would be more active also. New clubs wold be created because similar people can gather easily.

-> Clubs would be more active also. New clubs would be created because similar people can gather easily. 

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