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제목 Self-Introduction 등록일 2014-04-01
내용 Hello, My name is inyoung bae, I'm in my mid 40s.
I Graduated from dong-a university which is located in Busan city.
Busan is habor city where is famous for 해운대 beach,태종대 and 자갈치.
I majored in computer science and work for SamsungSDS as a senior manager.

I'm married and living with my wife and two sons
and there are four people in my family.
My wife is in her early 40s and she is typical housewife.
She is responsible for housework in general and also take care of two sons
who are middle school student.
They are only one year apart and have the same birthday.
Younger brother is taller than elder.

I live around the Suwon area where is near to my workplace.
In my spare time, I enjoy eating out with my family
and sometimes playing socccer,badminton, table tennis with my sons.

I'm happy to have such a nice family.
I am a positive person and my motto is that simple is the best.

Thanks for listening.
담당강사 Nicole 등록일 2014-04-03
첨삭 내용

Hello, My name is inyoung bae,
-> Hello, my name is Inyoung Bae,

I'm in my mid 40s.
-> Correct sentence!

I Graduated from dong-a university which is located in Busan city.
-> I graduated from Dong-a university which is located in Busan city.
 
Busan is habor city where is famous for ??? beach,??? and ???.
-> Busan is a harbor city which is famous for  beaches.

I majored in computer science and work for SamsungSDS as a senior manager.
-> I majored in Computer Science and work for SamsungSDS as a senior manager.

I'm married and living with my wife and two sons
-> I'm married and I live with my wife and two sons

and there are four people in my family.
-> Correct sentence!

My wife is in her early 40s and she is typical housewife.
-> My wife is in her early 40s and she is a typical housewife.
 
She is responsible for housework in general
-> Correct sentence!


and also take care of two sons
-> and she also takes care of our two sons

who are middle school student.
-> who are middle school students.

They are only one year apart and have the same birthday.
-> They only have a one year age gap  and have the same birthday.
 
Younger brother is taller than elder.
-> My youngest son is taller than his elder brother.

I live around the Suwon area where is near to my workplace.
-> I live around Suwon which is near my workplace.
 
In my spare time, I enjoy eating out with my family
-> Correct sentence!

and sometimes playing socccer,badminton, table tennis with my sons.
-> and sometimes I play socccer, badminton and table tennis with my sons.

I'm happy to have such a nice family.
-> Correct sentence!

I am a positive person and my motto is that simple is the best.
-> I am a positive person and my motto is that "Simplicity is the best".

Thanks for listening.
-> Correct sentence!

 

Hi!

I'm glad to know a lot of personal information about you! You did a wonderful job introducing yourself through this writing.

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