영작교정

수강기간 중 영어로 일기 또는 자유로운 글을 작성해 주세요.
담당 강사가 직접 교정을 해 드립니다.

제목 To Manage Children's Obesity 등록일 2014-05-08
내용 Children's obesity is resulted from eating habit that enjoy ham, hot-dogs, hamburgers, etc. These fast foods are often exposed to the children whose parents are busy and difficult to take care of their everytime. Children tend to have fast foods in the school time or daytime.
In that point, schools and teachers should instruct children to eat properly. In addition, school meals should include green foods and various nutrition.
담당강사 Jasmine1 등록일 2014-05-09
첨삭 내용

Children's obesity is resulted from eating habits (pl) that enjoy include ham, hotdogs, hamburgers, etc. These fast foods are often exposed to the children whose parents are busy and find it difficult to take care of their everytime them all the time . Children tend to have fast foods in the school time or during the daytime. In that point, schools and teachers should instruct children to eat properly. In addition, school meals should include green foods and various nutrition. (nutrients?)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Eating habits that include ham, hotdogs...
--> The children enjoy ham, hotdogs, etc., NOT the eating habits
--> Eating habits is plural in English

School is during the daytime so I don't know if you separated them because of weekends or what?

Another solid piece of work! Good job on the possessives in this bit.

목록