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제목 Generation Gap in Korea 등록일 2014-06-16
내용 The old generation in Korea were born before 1960's when the Korea was very poor economically. They had little chance to get the high education, and grew in under-democratized society. At the result, they tend to follow the rule of the government, employers, or other leaders, and have high loyalty to their country or employers. They contributed themselves to their jobs, and it played an important role to the economic growth.

Aswhile, the young generation were born in the open and free society after the Korea had been democratized. So, they accept other people's thoughts easily and are insensitive to the change or reformation. They have more interests to the music, sports, foreign cultures etc., and express their own personality freely. They vote for the party that have reformative policies, too.
담당강사 Jasmine1 등록일 2014-06-17
첨삭 내용

The old generation in Korea was born before bthe 1960's when the Korea was very poor economically. They had little chance to get the high education, and grew  up in under-democratized society. At the  result, they tend to follow the rules (pl) of the government, employers, or other leaders, and have high loyalty to their country or employers. They contributed committed themselves to their jobs, and it played an important role  in to the economic growth.

Aswhile Meanwhile, the young generation was born in the an open and free society after the Korea had been democratized. So, they accept other people's thoughts easily and are insensitive to the change or reformation. They have more interests in to the music, sports, foreign cultures etc., and express their own personality freely. They vote for the party that have has reformative policies, too.

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1) Generation and party are collective nouns --> My generation is/was... /  The party votes annually

2) Don't use "the" with country names, except groups of islands and names with common nouns in them (republic, state, kingdom, commonwealth)

3) Aswhile is not a word "meanwhile" or "as"

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