"My name is Won Kim. I was born in 1985, I am 30 years old in Korea. My family consists of father, mother, older brother and me, total 4 members. I have heard from other people that I look like my father not only appearance and body shape, but also charactor and voice. My fater's face is exotic and has good body ratio. His charactor is soft, and he has low voice. I am almost similar to my father of all of things. I am real my father's son. When I have free time, I often go to play basketball at bastetball court with my friends or alone. Basketball is my favorite sports. So no matter to practice shot and dribble on my own. Only catching basketball makes me happy. I can realive my stress through my hobby."

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************"My name is Won Kim. I was born in 1985, I am 30 years old in Korea. My family consists of father, mother, older brother and me, total 4 members. I have heard from other people that I look like my father not only appearance and body shape, but also charactor and voice. My fater's face is exotic and has good body ratio. His charactor is soft, and he has low voice. I am almost similar to my father of all of things. I am real my father's son. When I have free time, I often go to play basketball at bastetball court with my friends or alone. Basketball is my favorite sports. So no matter to practice shot and dribble on my own. Only catching basketball makes me happy. I can realive my stress through my hobby.

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My name is Won Kim. I was born in 1985. In Korea, I am already 30 years old. My family consists of four family members. I have heard from other people that my father and I are very similar to each other. We look alike and share the same characteristics. We both got an exotic face and soft voice. When I have free time, I go to the basketball court to play alone or with my friends. Basketball is my favorite sports. I practice shooting and dribbling often. It makes me happy and helps to relieve my stress.

Note:
Blue - consice sentences
Pink - sentence structure

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Hi Mr. Won,

Thank you so much for submitting your composition today. I appreciated your effort a lot. You got a lot of ideas and thoughts. Keep it up! Your sentences were quite good. Continue practicing your skills. Try to make your sentences concise next time. Study well. Take care!

Love,
Teacher Angel