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제목 My neighborhood. 등록일 2014-07-08
내용 We moved to this area 3years ago.
Because my wife want to live in apartment complex regarding the security.
The criminal rate has been increased every yearly.
So I aggreed about that.

But We didn't know anyone who lives next to the door until my baby was born.
Someday. a women accosted to my wife and me.
She may saw my wife's belly, and looks like be interested in the children.
Becase there is one baby aside her.

She asked us when our baby will be born and the gender and celebrate about it.
My wife also want to be familier with her.
Because we have not been know any one in this apartment-complex until that time.

After that, we are greeting each other.
We expect to be more familier with her and her husband.

Someday, my baby will be their baby's friend.
It's a very desiable. I think so.

Thank you for reading my composition.

Have a nice day~~~
담당강사 Tara 등록일 2014-07-09
첨삭 내용

Hello Jack!

  I was glad to see your composition again. Please see the corrections I made for you:

Your composition:

We moved to this area 3years ago. Because my wife want to live in apartment complex regarding the security. The criminal rate has been increased every yearly. So I aggreed about that. But We didn't know anyone who lives next to the door until my baby was born. Someday. a women accosted to my wife and me. She may saw my wife's belly, and looks like be interested in the children. Becase there is one baby aside her. She asked us when our baby will be born and the gender and celebrate about it. My wife also want to be familier with her. Because we have not been know any one in this apartment-complex until that time. After that, we are greeting each other. We expect to be more familier with her and her husband. Someday, my baby will be their baby's friend. It's a very desiable. I think so. Thank you for reading my composition. Have a nice day~~~

Revised:

We moved in to this area 3years ago because my wife wanted to live in an apartment complex regarding the security. The criminal rate has been increasing yearly. So, I agreed about that. But we didn't know anyone who lives next the door until my baby was born. There was a time that a woman who approached my wife and me. She may saw my wife's belly, and looks like she's interested in children because she has a baby with her. She asked us when our baby will be born and the gender and when celebrate about it. My wife also wanted to get familiar with her because we didn't know anyone in this apartment complex until that time. After that, we greeeted each other goodbye. We expect to get more familiar with her and her husband. Someday, my baby will be their baby's friend. It's a very desirable. I think so. Thank you for reading my composition. Have a nice day~~~

 

Thanks for always writing here. Feel free to ask questions if you have any. May you have a great day!

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