"Recently e-sports have appeard all over the world. Now, LOL(League of Legends) is very famous in Korea. But a few years ago, Starcraft made by Bilizard was NO.1 game in Korea. So that time, when I turned on TV, I could see Starcraft game e-sports often. At that time, I used to watch game league every week. Even I went to stardium to see big matich of final round. As like sports such as baseball, basketball and soccer, Watching e-sports is very exciting and fun. After enjoying game show, I used to talk about pro-gamer's play with my friends. But I don't wanna see e-sports any more, because after entering in company I have no interests of computer or TV game."

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Recently e-sports have appeard all over the world. Now, LOL(League of Legends) is very famous in Korea. But a few years ago, Starcraft made by Bilizard was NO.1 game in Korea. So that time, when I turned on TV, I could see Starcraft game e-sports often. At that time, I used to watch game league every week. Even I went to stardium to see big matich of final round. As like sports such as baseball, basketball and soccer, Watching e-sports is very exciting and fun. After enjoying game show, I used to talk about pro-gamer's play with my friends. But I don't wanna see e-sports any more, because after entering in company I have no interests of computer or TV game.

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Recently, e-sports have been appearing all over the world. Now, LOL (League of Legends) is very famous in Korea. A few years ago, Starcraft by Blizzard entertainment became the NO.1 game in Korea. When I turned on the television, I could see Starcraft game often. I used to watch game leagues every week. I even went to the arena to see great matches of the final round. Like real sports, such as baseball, basketball and soccer, watching e-sports is very exciting and fun. After an enjoying game show, I used to talk about the pro-gamer's matches with my friends. Since I entered the company, I am no longer interested of e-sports.

Note:
Blue - additional and better expressions
Red - spelling, punctuation, and capitalization
Green - verb tense
Pink - word usage
Yellow - sentence structure

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Dear Mr. Won,

I was glad to see you working really hard towards your English skills. You are doing well in the class and in your writing composition. I just want you be careful with some words. Always be mindful with your spelling and capitalization. It is essential in writing. Keep on practicing! Have a wonderful weekend!

Love,
Teacher Angel

"Nothing worth having comes easy."